When it comes to intercourse, there are a lot of areas where doubt can creep in. One common topic, especially for men, is lasting long enough in bed.
You may just want to increase how long your sexual encounters last. Or maybe you experience premature ejaculation, which causes you to orgasm well ahead of your partner.
Either way, the following tips and tricks found in most black men may help you achieve a longer sexual encounter with your partner
Biofeedback is a process to retrain your brain and is used in a few different therapeutic areas. When it comes to premature ejaculation, biofeedback involves measuring electrical signals in the brain to delay an orgasm. If you want to try biofeedback, you’ll need to visit a physical therapist or doctor’s office that specializes in or has experience with the technique. During your session, your doctor or therapist will monitor your sensation during masturbation or other forms of stimulation.
Your doctor will use the measurements to help guide you in performing visualizations, exercises, or other techniques to help you last longer during sex.
Dr. Philip Werthman, urologist and director of the Center for Male Reproductive Medicine and Vasectomy Reversal in Los Angeles, CA, says this is a viable solution for some men.
Edging is the non-medical version of biofeedback. With edging, you masturbate to bring yourself to just about ejaculation (or the “edge”) and then stop all stimulation activity.
The idea is for you to become comfortable and knowledgeable about your sexual arousal so you can prevent unwanted, early ejaculation. As a bonus, if you’re with your partner, edging can increase your sexual experience once you do ejaculate.
3. Pelvic exercises
Your pelvic floor muscles help support both your bladder and ejaculation. Exercises that help strengthen this muscle group may help improveTrusted Source your ability to delay an orgasm.
According to Dr. Christopher Asandra, chief medical officer with NuMale Medical Center, Kegel exercises may be able to help biological men as much as they do biological women. But they require a consistent commitment. They work by strengthening the pubococcygeus muscle.
“To do Kegel exercises, flex the same muscle you would use to stop the flow of urine,” he said. “Clench this muscle for 10 seconds, then release, aiming for at least three sets of 10 reps each day.”
Desensitizing creams and gels work to lessen the sensations in your penis. Unfortunately, most of these creams may also desensitize the tissues in your partner too. Because of this, it’s recommended to wipe or clean off the products from the penis before penetration. Before you use a desensitizer, it’s important to note that these creams and gels typically contain local anesthetics, which can prove dangerous if used too frequently or in excess. Always follow the recommendations on the product, or better yet, talk with a doctor before using one to get the pros and cons of desensitizers.
5. Adult circumcision
A somewhat dramatic solution is adult circumcision, or the removal of the foreskin. A 2015 study showed promising results for people who got circumcised. They noted that many of the people in the study found an increased control over when they organism or a positive effect on premature ejaculation once circumcised. In other words, if you find you have trouble lasting and have an uncircumcised penis, talking with a doctor with experience in circumcisions may help you decide if this method is right for you.
Masturbation may help with preventing premature ejaculation. If you masturbate shortly before intended sexual intercourse with your partner, you may find that you can delay your orgasm during sex with your partner. You also might find that you can use masturbation as a therapeutic massage. According to a small 2019Trusted Source study, researchers found that penis-root masturbation may help you delay your orgasm. They found that stimulating the root of the penis until ready to ejaculate and then backing off helped to increase the time it took to ejaculate during sex. To perform penis-root masturbation, you need to place both thumbs near the base of your penis and rub both in a circular motion or up and down. You need to continue the motion until you just about reach an orgasm and then back off.
7. Find your optimal weight
If you find you’re experiencing premature ejaculation, maintaining a moderate weight may improve your performance in bed. According to a 2017 Trusted Source study, researchers found that people with three or more of the following conditions have an increased likelihood of premature ejaculation:
- high blood pressure
- low levels of “good” cholesterol
- waist circumference of 40 or more inches
- elevated blood sugar levels
- elevated blood triglycerides
“We know that obesity, high blood pressure, and diabetes are major causes of erectile dysfunction, so treating the underlying problem may be beneficial,” said Werthman.
8. Change up your diet
Certain dietary changes may also help you delay ejaculation. According to Werthman, some specific foods may increase the amount of free testosterone in your body, which is necessary for healthy erectile function. “Certain foods, like fenugreek (an herb), can increase free testosterone,” he said. “As a matter of fact, fenugreek is the source of the compounds called Testofen, found in many over-the-counter supplements.”
Note: An increase in free testosterone does not definitively correlate to lasting longer in bed (or “longer ejaculatory latency”), so this method may not prove as fruitful as others.
As with any dietary change, it’s a good idea to run your decision by your doctor first, as they may know if any specific herbs or supplements could interact with medications you’re already taking.
9. Wait longer before intercourse or skip it altogether
You may think of vaginal or anal intercourse as your ultimate goal when you start to become intimate with your partner — but rushing to the goal may be part of the problem. If you find you prematurely ejaculate when engaging in penetrative sex, focusing on other activities, like oral sex, sensual massages, or other foreplay activities may help. You also may want to skip vaginal intercourse altogether. According to a 2017 study, about 18% of people with vaginas report the ability to orgasm from direct penetration. The rest needed direct clitoris stimulation to achieve an orgasm, which means other sexual activities may help both you and your partner feel satisfied.
10. Squeeze technique
The squeeze technique may help you prevent an orgasm when simply stopping stimulation will no longer work. To perform this technique, you need to:
- withdraw your penis from your partner
- use your hand to apply firm pressure to tip of your penis
- return to sexual activity when the need to orgasm passes
You can do this once or several times during intercourse to help delay your orgasm.
When you do this technique, make sure to let your partner know what you’re doing. You may also want to figure out additional ways to stimulate them so they remain aroused.
11. Stay in the moment
You may have heard friends or others talking about focusing on non-sexual things to prevent orgasm. These could be things like thinking about baseball stats. Instead, Amanda Holmberg, MS LMFT, from Twins City Sex and Relationship Therapy suggests you should “stay present in the moment with your body.” “This will help you decide what you need,” she said. “Maybe you need to go a little slower, maybe you need to take a little bit of a break completely… you can’t do any of that if you’re thinking about baseball stats.” In other words, staying focused on the task may help you find the solution to managing premature ejaculation.
12. Watch your arousal level going into intercourse
As part of being more in tune with your body, you should consider how aroused you’re going into sex.
“If you are trying to last longer during penetrative sex don’t penetrate at a higher arousal level,” Holmberg said. “This is not setting you up for success. Penetrate out a medium arousal level to give yourself some room to grow and enjoy the pleasure.” In other words, if you’re overly-aroused when you start intercourse, your chances of premature ejaculation increase greatly.
13. Use condoms
Condoms can help desensitize the penis. If regular condoms don’t help enough, you could try desensitizing condoms. Desensitizing condoms often contain extra material or some of the ingredients in desensitizing sprays and creams. As an added benefit, condoms remain one of the best ways to reduce the risk of sexually transmitted infections and pregnancy.
In certain cases, antidepressant medications known as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) can sometimes be used to treat premature ejaculation, says Asandra.
“Medications like SSRIs, such as Prozac, Paxil, and Zoloft, can delay orgasm in men, but they can also cause problems,” he explains. “These drugs take hours before they’re effective and can sometimes cause unwanted side effects like dizziness, drowsiness, erectile dysfunction, and decreased libido.”
While a 2016 studyTrusted Source found that most of the antidepressants had either limited effect or not enough evidence to support their use for premature ejaculation, other studies have shown some benefit.
A 2019 reviewTrusted Source of studies featuring Paroxetine, an SSRI, as a treatment for premature ejaculation found that the drug performed better than placebo for individuals, and had relatively mild side effects. Because the research around using SSRIs to treat premature ejaculation is mixed, and side effects can occur, if you’re working with a doctor to treat this condition, medication may be one of your last options to try.
15. Switch it up
If all else fails, you can try switching up the position you’re engaging in intercourse in. This can be enjoyable, confidence-boosting, and informative. Different positions stimulate you differently. For example, you may find that having your partner on top may help with reducing stimulation. You can experiment until you find a position that helps slow down your orgasm and provides pleasure for your partner.
Premature ejaculation may seem like an embarrassing topic to talk about with a doctor, but it’s a fairly common issue, with about 30 to 75 percent of menTrusted Source reportedly affected by it.
There’s no shame in speaking to a professional to get their guidance on the best methods for you when it comes to premature ejaculation. This condition may be a sign of bigger issues like hormone imbalances, stress, depression, and relationship problems.
The good news is that premature ejaculation is not something you just have to live with. There are many ways to manage, and possibly even treat, this common condition.